How to Make Your Health-Conscious Date Comfortable

If you care, do these things to prepare for a good time

Tantra Bensko
8 min readOct 7, 2019


What am I talking about?

Listen, it’s all the rage to write satire making fun of health-conscious people, but just to let you know, I’m one of them. And I have something to say that you might seriously find useful if you are not one of us. I might find you very attractive and entertaining, smart and funny, and I’d never suggest these changes in person unless you asked. But now, since you’re reading this, I’m going to lay it out for you. (You’ll thank me later when you are kissing, but don’t use my name while your lips are pressed together: your partner’s name is always best!) OK, seriously. . .

It’s fine with me if you eat at McDonalds, drink sodas and wash your clothes with Tide, but we’re not currently going out. And maybe you do want to go out with someone with shining eyes, youthful skin, a trim figure, lots of energy, few doctor bills, a good memory, trustworthy morality and a positive state of mind.

Young people who live unhealthy lifestyles may have some of those things going for them, but even age can be kind to people who take care of themselves. Surface appearance isn’t everything. People who make conventional choices are just as worthy people as people who are part of the healthy scene. But if you want to sync up, you can’t expect the other person to do all the compromising.

If you hanker after the ladies in yoga pants, want to do more than oggle the men at the gym, have the impulse to pop into an organic restaurant and chat up someone you notice through the window, or dream of asking out someone you see picking up their dog poop by using recycled bags, this article is for you.

Or, if you’ve got a first date with someone you’re hoping to entice home and maybe pursue a relationship with, use these tips to get ready. If you’ve grown weary after never getting a second date with a healthy person who wears natural clothes and rides a bike, take note. This could change your life.

Prepare for the date by thinking about scent

Most health-conscious people — I’ll shorten that to HCP from now on — avoid breathing chemicals, because they’re bad for humans, animals, the workers who produce materials, and for the earth. The effects are truly ghastly, so you might want to read up on that so you don’t smirk about it on your date. That’s the last thing you should do. Trust me.

So, let’s look at specifics. I know it’s all expensive, and I feel you. I’ve never been rich, myself. But healthy products are usually cheaper than co-pays for medicines (which have side effects), surgeries and caregivers. So you may find that looking ahead this way on a regular basis pays off if you can manage spending more for stuff in the meantime.

If you can, switch out any conventional laundry detergents and buy something from the Natural aisle at the grocery store. Better yet, go to a health food store. If you can’t swing that, get a detergent that is unscented. And throw away dryer sheets, if you happen to use those. You may not realize it, but all these chemicals linger on your clothes, and while you may be used to the smell, it makes people sick and they know it. You’ll feel better if you stop using them.

Don’t use cologne or conventional deodorant. If you eat healthy and avoid toxins, you’ll smell good naturally. Do conventional hair products. Avoid conventional soap and use a natural one and get rid of anti-bacterial soap at the sink in case you get lucky.

If you pick up your date in a car, ditch the air freshener. In case your date comes home with you you’ll want to get rid of air freshener there, too. And don’t put out scented tissues, toilet paper, or dish soap.

If your date is at your place and you’re getting romantic, don’t light paraffin candles. Lay out beeswax ones instead. A few will do you, as they cost a pretty penny.

If your date thinks you’re doing all these things just to get some action, that may not go over too well. You’ll come off as fake and manipulative. But if you are doing it because you really do care about making the person comfortable and at home, you can mention that these things are new to you. Most likely, that honest vulnerability will get you points. Authenticity is appealing.

Food and drink

If you take out our date to a restaurant, if your location has any with grass-fed beef and wild-caught fish, go there unless your date is vegetarian or even vegan. If your date orders a high priced item on a menu, don’t assume he or she is trying to take advantage of you or is signalling “put out time.” Your date may just not be able to eat anything else and feel it’s healthy. If your date eats fish or meat but your local doesn’t have any places with grass-fed or wild-caught, see if there is a vegetarian or vegan restaurant.

If your date avoids gluten, don’t assume that just means bread. Gluten is in many food additives in sauces, etc. Same goes for soy. While your date may eat organic fermented soy products, most likely GMO soy is off the list and that’s found in invisible ways in many foods as well. Often a HCP will soften the rules to eat non-organic on a date, but not when it comes to GMO products.

There are gluten-free beers, but they aren’t often served at restaurants, and are only in select bars, so wine may be better. Many HCP will only drink organic wine because of the pesticides.

Avoid anything with sugar (even condiments) and avoid all fake sweeteners like aspertame. Monk fruit, raw honey and stevia are generally considered healthy. Avoid food dyes. If your date is having a weak moment and orders desert, don’t shame him or her. We are creatures of contradiction. Especially when tempted when on a date with a charming person such as yourself.

If you’re cooking for your date, use simple ingredients like cold-pressed olive oil and apple cider vinegar for salad dressing. Cook with coconut oil or grass-fed butter.

Cook in an iron skillet and stainless steel if you can, rather than aluminum or Teflon. Avoid aluminum foil.

Ask first about dietary restrictions before cooking, and your date will give you guidance. HCPs get lots of fiber and nutrition from vegetables and fruits. Many avoid most carbs and grains altogether. If you hear a word in response to your question that you don’t recognize, it may be “Keto.”

If you want to up your game once you realize you may have something cool going with this person, graduate to setting something fermented and raw on the table like kimchi, raw kefir, raw saurkraut or kombucha. And instead of paper napkins, use cloth.

You may not be a tea drinker other than traditional iced tea on a summer day, but your date probably drinks hot herbal tea, very likely without caffeine.


OK, now we’re talking. Luckily, this part is easy.

If your date cares enough to make healthy choices, he or she may not be self-destructive, and also may be rational and thoughtful with treating you well. Chemicals can make people emotionally and mentally unstable, so your date is probably somewhat even-keeled, especially since you’ve made the environment nice.

Your date also honors the earth and is, at least to some degree, able to avoid dangerous impulses, so will be respectful of your needs, being sensitive and non-judgemental.

Your date may not wear high heels and pointy toes, because they’re not good for the legs and feet. That doesn’t mean your date isn’t feeling seductive. Don’t take it personally.

Your date may not use make-up or nail polish, because these things contain chemicals, though some new brands are much less toxic now. Just because your love interest isn’t dolled up, that’s no sign of disinterest.

If your date is female, she may possibly not shave anywhere. This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s feeling masculine. She just may not be into going along with trends because she’s not swayed by peer pressure. She probably doesn’t shop at grocery stores that display Cosmo at the check-out. Pubic hair gathers those wonderful scents to sexually attract. And it makes STDS less likely to transfer. She probably won’t assume you’ll go down on her, at least when you’re first getting frisky, so if you’re squeamish, that’s OK. Give yourself time to get used to what women actually look and feel like.

Planning to give your date a massage? Use coconut oil.

Getting lucky? Use natural lube. Using a condom? Use non-lubed. But you can smooth on some natural lube first. Not using a condom? Coconut oil works nicely. And you might want to lay down towels first — towels that you’ve washed and dried with natural products, of course on top of sheets that you’ve done that with as well.

Don’t feel that you need to change who you are to have good conversations and happy times with your romantic interest. The only thing you’re potentially changing so far by doing the things on this list of suggestions is making healthy choices with products. But don’t hold back your personality. Don’t be afraid to be you. Let go with hedonism and confidence and the joy of the moment. If your partner judges you harshly for your real self, it may be time to move on.

Sleeping together

Actually sleeping.

Many HCP turn off all electronics in the bedroom at night, so if you don’t, your romantic partner may not feel very comfy: many of us even turn off the fuse box to the room. But if you need a CPAP machine, by all means use it. Often people who are carrying a few pounds or don’t exercise their necks tend to snore, and those things tend to go along with an unhealthy lifestyle. CPAP sounds are not great, but they’re preferable to loud snoring, and you don’t want to sacrifice a good night’s sleep, yourself. And don’t keep your cell phone by you: artificial EMFs are not conducive to nightly melatonin production.

Look at that, the sections keep getting shorter and easier, don’t they? You’re on a roll. It’s all downhill from here. You may feel like rolling down a hill together after all this, laughing and hugging once you land on flat ground, and gazing into those fascinating eyes with glee and adoration.



Tantra Bensko

Gold-medal-winning psychological suspense novelist, writing Instructor, manuscript editor living in Berkeley.

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